Talking about me

A new person in my life

2011-05-27T00:17:00.003+02:00

Hey everybody who reads my blog...

How to start..

This year November I am going to introduse you a new person in my life....

Its is still small, protected, you cant see it, but you can feel it, it is growing.. untill November.. you will see it.. ooh yeah.. it is still inside me.. :)

but for now here is a snapshot of it...

YES! I am having a baby!

At first I dint know what to do about it.. but now its all good.

I am moving to my bf place.. Yes the child is from my ex.. who now is again my bf.. We just cant stay apart..

Just an update for the one who love to see..

This is it for now.. ill type here soon!

hugs and kisses..

No news is good news..

2011-02-15T11:54:00.004+01:00

If you dont see any new post its good news.. or im just lazy to write.

It depends on my mood....

now my mood is on holiday so.. im lazy..

You will get some update.

I love my car.. I drive almoste everyday ..
I dont like something I dont know about.
Im working on my school project.. boring but also learning...
Life is good.. and bad.. but mostley good..

I get my needs when I want it and more.

I safe some money for if the car doesnt starts or for my new hair look..

hhmm... Thinking about my new hair...

What should I do.. go back to blond or stay dark chocolate?

anyways.. going to watch a movie.. I am boring you with my stories.. sorry about that.. but hey..ITS MY BLOG!

xxx

Without friends..

2011-02-01T23:23:00.002+01:00

With out friends I would be someone with out friends.

I would be alone..

Thank god I have friends...

I love my friends and I would cherish them for the rest of my life!

Thank u Friends...

* just a funny poster,,, *

Genie in the lamp.

2011-01-24T01:00:00.004+01:00

If I found a magic lamp and the genie tells me I get 3 wishes....

I would wish for....

1) to be happy with everyone around me
2) to be succesfull
3) to have an family of my own

Why should I wish for MONEY if I have to spend it alone?
Why should I wish for LUCK if Im already am happy?
Why should I wish for MORE if I already know what I have is a lot more then I have ever want it.

It may sounds silly to wish for simple things.. But that kind of things does matters in the real world.
Why wish for something that is only ment for that moment? And not for the rest of your life?

Ofcourse....

I have never found a lamp with a genie and my 3 wishes...

But a girl can dream!

I am a total B*tch

2011-01-16T22:12:00.002+01:00

Really I am..

yesterday I was drunk... very drunk..
I have a hangover and I dont know what I did wrong.. My friends are hating me and I really dont know why.
I think the booze took controle over me.

I know what I did before the Birthday party and after... ( what I dont want to talk about.. the after part..)But I dont know what I did in between..

I know I was at my ex place..

We were baking cookies... we also flirting a lot..
We know we shouln't do that..
But we did..

We want it.. and after a bottle of wine.. we did it...

You know what.

I am not feeling sorry for what I did with my ex.. it had to come.. we were atracting to each other...

then I went to the party.. I was alreaddy drunk.. badly..
They say I did something stupid.. selfish.. a total BITCH.

the thing is.. I dont know what I did wrong.. and that is very confusing me.

they are mad.. my friends.. I want to say Im sorry for what I did.. but I really dont know what I did.. and I am really SORRY..

Now I feel alone .. Im not alone.. but it feels that way.. i am losing friends..
friends that are close to me..

live by day

2011-01-09T15:18:00.003+01:00

My car ...

I have to wait till monday.. there was someting wrong.
But ok.. ill see him tomorrow..

yesterday saturday, He called me to say that his little girl have her swim diploma.
I went there because she left a skirt at my place during playing.
So The plan was to go see him and then go to my girls then go out..

But the plan messed up.. we dint go out.. Instead..

I was at his place watching a movie with him. After that he went to work and I locked up his place and got to my own home..

Is it weird to still be friends with your ex?...

I will find it out soon I guess..

bye

one step at the time...

2011-01-06T23:30:00.002+01:00

Oh boy, I got something to tell you!

I bought a car!
The real one.. not the little toy car..

I am going to take him home on saturday!

I am soooo happy..

I hope this will take me as far as it can take me.

( I am scared to go on the road.. )

But im fine.. and im still missing my ex..

Yes he lives next door.. why miss him right?.
Well I do love him .. even when he isnt a part in my life... I stil can miss him..
I miss him at my side.. I miss his hugs.. his kisses.. his touch... I miss all of him..

But ill keep on moving on..

xxx

We are living!

2011-01-03T09:51:00.002+01:00

I had an emotional stress on my mind the last weeks of the year 2010.
But im almost over it..

the thing that im consentrate is.. Be positive...

I feel more calm and more lust for life.
I am going to take things slow and what may come I can do it.

Feeling les affraid but still scared for love.

Love makes me go grazy....

Year of the rabit 2011

2011-01-01T11:07:00.003+01:00

This Februari will be the year of the rabit.
according the chinese horoscope.

And this is what I found about the Rat in the year of the Rabit 2011....

Chinese Astrology in 2011

Why not have a look below to get a free forecast of what 2011, the Year of the Rabbit, holds for you! You’ll also find out what personal traits you need to let shine through the coming year!

If you're interested in reading your horoscope for the final three months of 2010, check out our Chinese Horoscopes for 2010 here.

First of all, take a look at our Chinese Astrology Year Table to see which sign you are.

The history of the Chinese Zodiac is very interesting! It is said that Buddha invited all of the animals in the world to join him for the New Year celebrations, but only 12 animals bothered to turn up. As a great reward, Buddha named a year after each one of them and they actually run in the order that the animals arrived to celebrate with Buddha, starting with the rat and ending with the last guest, the pig.

The Chinese believe that those born during a year of a particular animal would inherit some of the good and bad personality traits of that animal.

Also, each Chinese year is influenced by whatever animal it falls in. The Year of The Rabbit begins on February 3rd 2011. Most Rabbit years are quiet, positive and inspiring and 2011 looks to be heading in this direction – a refreshing change after the fast-moving and quite dramatic Year of the Tiger. Family, diplomacy and personal development will all be highlighted in 2011. Once again alternative sources of energy and green living will be under the spotlight. The arts and culture sector of society will very busy producing amazing works of art and staging important exhibitions throughout the year. Love, romance and family life are well-starred, with a renewed appreciation of loved ones and friends. Overall, it should be a fun and relatively peaceful year. Even though aggression, violence and war zones will still be in evidence, the Chinese Rabbit year favours peaceful solutions and diplomacy, so there will be a feeling that all is not lost and that hope is still very much alive.

Let’s take a look at each animal, their major personality traits and what the prospects are for 2011, the Year of the Rabbit.

The Rat

Rats are charming, elegant and clever. They can be a bit gossipy and prone to being distracted. They’re also thrifty and very good with handling money. Family and close friends are exceptionally important to them. The Rat is charming beyond words and throughout his undoubtedly long life he will always be popular and will have many friends.

Forecast for 2011 The Rat will feel glad in a lot of ways to see the end of the Year of the Tiger! There were a lot of changes and the pace was fast - not something the Rat is entirely comfortable with. The Chinese Year of the Rabbit is the opposite – its tempo will be slow and steady and the Rat must try to be patient and remain content with steady progress throughout 2011. Work will again be highlighted but this time the Rat’s experience and knowledge will be called upon, helping him to advance quite nicely in his career. April, October and November are well-starred for this. On the love and romance side of life, there could be cause for celebration during the year in the form of an engagement, wedding or birth. July, August and December and January will be particularly special months. An important aspect of 2011 for the Rat is time for personal growth, hobbies and developing skills that bring happiness. For any Rats that like to write, this year will see their creativity heightened and whether for pleasure or profit, writing is highlighted in a most positive way. Health wise, the Rat will have felt burnt out sometimes during 2010 and in 2011 his vitality will be improved. He will feel stronger and will also be taking better care of himself, maintaining a good diet and steady exercise routine.

Interesting Rat Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Garnet
Special Flower: Narcissus
Best Hours: 11 pm -1 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Black, White, Purple

and a nother one

1st Chinese Zodiac Sign: Rat – 鼠
Rats are charming, elegant and clever. They can be a bit gossipy and prone to being distracted. They’re also thrifty and very good with handling money. Family and close friends are exceptionally important to them. The Rat is charming beyond words and throughout his undoubtedly long life he will always be popular and will have many friends.
Click here for more of the Rat in Chinese Zodiac Meets Western Astrology Horoscope.

Rat Fortune in 2011:
It a Tai Sui year for rat, surfacing all the good luck, you will also face several problems which may cause you to be in many mix situations. Due to many obstacles and issues that goes wrong, you may tend to feel stressful. In the Year of the Rabbit’s, you must learn stay calm and be extra careful at all cause to avoid any accident. You may meet the opportunity to go abroad for business, you can hold on to the opportunity to fully develop their potential. You may also realize that the opposite sex seem to act as a good assistance in your career.

Rat Career in 2011:
This year although there might be good of progress from last year. But there seem to have many difficult obstacles that affect your work efficiency. When at work, you may get into argument with colleagues, and arise of villains. You know that it is difficult to avoid gossip, but as long as you keep a low profile. More action than words to minimize any damage. You should be more pro-active than before to bring in more opportunities. You may be drag in to court matter this year therefore you should be careful when dealing with important documents or transactions.

Rat Wealth in 2011:
This year you may feel very busy and many tasks to accomplish. Wealth is weak and certainly not smooth that may cause money loss. Therefore it is suggested that you maintain low profile and avoid any form of investment or business commitment. Be extra careful when dealing with important document or any contract. Do not be a guarantor this year to avoid lawsuits or even bankruptcy. Pay attention to who you put in your trust as you may be easily taken.

Rat Love in 2011:
This year love luck is good, romance is the air. With love luck on your side, it is a good chance for those who yet to find someone desireable. You may also consider to take initiative. There may be more emotional unstability for the rat therefore it is advisable for you to practise tolerance as for your first move. Make chance for communication with your partner and show more trust towards each other. Singles should keep a clear head, and avoid being taken.

Rat Health in 2011:
Health is weak due to emotional instability, it is easy that you generate disputes, and misunderstanding, you may encounter insomnia, therefore you should keep calm and maintain a positive frame of mind. This year, you must guard against energy loss, and be mindful to regulate your mood. Pay close attention to your diet, especially in relatively hot weather season. Avoid cold food.

For your year of the rabit type on google: forcast for 2011 year rabit.

you wil have to look for your own zodiac in what year and month you were bon..

have a good luck!

Happy new year!!! 2011

2011-01-01T10:50:00.003+01:00

I know im not the wise person on earth.. but some times I belive in astrology..
so here is a sneack prevew what will bring me in the new year..

the key word is... stay Positive!!

2011 Horoscope: Libra(2011 Libra Horoscope - Based on Moon Sign)2011 Libra Horoscope - Based on Moon Sign

2011 Libra Horoscope General
As per the Libra Horoscope, 2011 would be a positive year, as you will experience a dynamic & vibrant approach in career as well as life in general. You will be active, inquisitive and ready to open up new channels in life.

It is period when you will experience an expansion in work, finances as well as a higher level of expenses. New opportunities and freshness in various aspects of life will be present. Beyond 8th May 2011, you could find the possibility of marriage or a lasting romance. Existing relationships would move towards commitment. New partnerships could come up.

Libra Horoscope predicts that public relations would become strong and bring in a high level of growth & gains for you. Beyond 2nd May, a slow down would be felt in new areas, while the older areas would continue to grow and bring in higher level of growth & financial gains. Your subconscious will remain active and disturbed at times. It would be useful to remain calm & balanced in your outlook.

Expenses & travel would remain higher than normal. It is a period when losses due to error in judgment would remain. New investments are avoidable, while a tendency for extravagant gifting should be avoided. A new cycle of growth could come after 15th November 2010. Saturn, the most auspicious planet, for your moon sign, would enter your first house. It will bring exceptional growth and hard work. Personal life will feel pressured due to a sudden rise in opportunities & lack of bonding with family. Good period to grow professionally with the help of partners & associates.

Confidence & general level of effectiveness could be curtailed between 11th July & 22nd September 2011.

Very happy & positive mindset would operate between 22nd March 2011 & 16th April 2011, 24th July & 16th August, 4th October & 28th October giving a feel good factor & true happiness.

Speech & travel overall should be controlled between 31st March to 23rd April, 3rd August to 26th August & 25th November to 13th December. Expenses & money matters could cause worry during these times too.

Broadly, Libra Horoscope defines the trends during the year broken up between the following periods:

1st January to early May 2011

May to 15th November 2011

15th November to 31st December

2011 Libra Horoscope for Marriage/ Love
If unmarried, very good chances of marriage would come up between May to 15th November. Opportunities could come up, more after the 31st August in marriage matter matters. You will get a lot of social opportunities with spouse between May and 15th November.

Good chances of marriage will remain between 16th November 2011 and 31st December 2011.

2011 Libra Horoscope for Career
The period till early May is marked with high activity & growth phase in career. You will find new opportunities coming in from various sources now. You should ensure that the new opportunities that come now, should not be lost due to the mental pressures you experience. It would be useful to delegate the opportunities now. A positive phase between May & 15th November as growth in new avenues of work would come about.

Between 16th November 2011 and 31st December 2011, the level of growth & opportunity will jump up. It is a stressful period when career will progress well, although it would be at the cost of health, peace of mind and family bonding. A powerful phase begins at work. You should make the most of this time. Creative efforts would be rewarded well.

2011 Libra Horoscope for Health
Diet should be controlled, else food related health problems could come up till early May. Health could become a cause of concern between May to 15th November.

2011 Libra Horoscope for Family
Beyond 25th January 2011, you could find a rise in personal problems, which could distract you from work & related growth. Mind would remain religious & spiritual till early May and some amount of mental or physical distance from children is also possible. You may enjoy personal growth between May and 15th November and also enjoy a socially active and enjoyable phase.

From May to 15th November, family matters would enter into a challenging phase. There could be some amount of diplomacy creeping into the family matters. Bonding could be lower than normal. It would be useful to think before you speak. You will feel a calming down effect overall in family & personal matters after the 25th December 2011.

2011 Libra Horoscope for Finances
Financial pressures would be high till early May 2011. Beyond 25th January 2011, you could find a rise in financial pressures. You should plan for higher financial commitments during this time & avoid new expenses during this time. Financial pressures would ease out after the 12th June 2011. If you were running through a loss period, improvements would come after the 12th June, 2011 too. New partnership with former colleagues possible between May and 15th November. If such an opportunity comes up, you should take it up immediately. The above period will also be an interesting one, since you will find inflows and gains, higher than before. It is a period of growth in money matters. A new source of income would become possible too. Wasteful expenses of the past would slow down from 16th November to 31st December.

Libra January Horoscope:

Positive period till 16th January 2011. You will experience growth and rise in repute. You will feel a higher level of energy & creative ability too. 17th January onwards a gradual distance from family & relatives could be felt. There could be some changes in property as well as domestic matters. As long as you are positive, there would be abundant energy to work out matters.

Libra February Horoscope:

Active period in work as well as domestic matters till the 16th February 2011. Some amount of resentment could build up against family members during this time. Avoid conflict. 17th February 2011 onwards, creative energies would be high and you will remain more self centered than usual. Children related matters could remain strained now.

Libra March Horoscope:

Mind could be over active and some amount of ego could run your thought patterns till the 15th March 2011. Issues with children could crop up too. Beyond 16th March 2011, you will find a rise in energy in work environment. You will find support from superiors and some rise in dynamism which could help you progress faster.

Libra April Horoscope:

Hard work and support from people in authority will help you make good progress in work till the 16th April 2011. It is a positive period in love life and relationships too. Beyond 17th April 2011, you could experience a higher level of hurdles and possibility opposition to ideas and relationships. If married, ego with spouse could erupt. New partnerships could come up.

Libra May Horoscope:

Issues with partners or in marital matters could come up till the 15th May 2011. You should remain cautious about fever etc. Health & stamina could dip after the 16th May 2011. Hurdles in routine matters could rise too during this period. Fatigue & level of tiredness could prevail now.

Libra June Horoscope:

Poor stamina & certain amount of challenges overall would remain. Work could experience a slowdown till the 16th June 2011. Important assignments are better postponed after 17th June 2011 or the next month. Improvements in luck and overall growth could come. Chances of travel possible too.

Libra July Horoscope:

Creative work and spirituality would be present in your outlook. Luck will be good too till the 13th July 2011. Career will grow based on new ideas as well as hard work from the 14th July 2011. People in authority as well as government sources would be supportive. Children related matters will be positive, while investments would blossom.

Libra August Horoscope:

Career will progress well, while you will still experience heightened activity in career. You will experience a position of authority till the 13th August 2011. Income and growth will jump after the 14th August 2011. You will find happiness in social life, while very positive reunion with friends possible now too. Some celebration in the family after the 15th August 2011 possible.

Libra September Horoscope:

Gainful period financially, while socially you would be active too till the 16th September 2011. A dip could be felt in health and stamina overall after the 17th September 2011. Chances of useless expenses, while some losses are possible too. It would be useful to keep the level of activity lower than usual.

Libra October Horoscope:

The month would begin with low activity and some amount of pressures and sluggishness which would remain till the 14th October 2011. Improvements in outlook, followed by rise in activity would come from the 15th October 2011. You should be careful about being egoistic and over aggression. You will experience leadership abilities now.

Libra November Horoscope:

Hard work and aggression would be high. Ego will remain an integral part of thinking as well as attitude. Ego related issues would remain internal and sub conscious till the 15th November 2011, while 16th November 2011 onwards, Ego could be apparent in speech. Finances would remain active and on your mind in the second half of the month. Family matters would be in the focus too.

Libra December Horoscope:

Creative work would bring in growth in finances till the 15th December 2011. Be humble in speech and communications this month. 16th December 2011, onwards your position will rise and growth would come due to your dynamic attitude as well as networking skills. Growth oriented period overall. Possibility of travel.

Best wishes to you for a wonderful 2011.

We talked.

2010-12-25T10:09:00.002+01:00

For a week I was wainting to be ok again.

I really just wanted to talk.

Yes we talked.

We were talking about that day... that day he broke up with me.

And for a good or al bad... we are no lovers.. we are best friends.. for each other... and for the kids.

I know now he has feelings for me... It might not be the feeing he had this summer.. but .. he cares..

We see each other almost every day.. thats because his girls are with him this holliday.

a day ago I spend my day with him..

I was inviting the girls and my nephew to go for a movie..

we went that day..

when I got back.. I bring backt the stuff we bought to his place.. he then.. invited me for a up of thee..

We talked a little again.. When it was dinner time.. he also invited me for dinner.. I said.. do you have enought?

He said sure..

so we were eating to gether.. al four of us..

we put the girls to bed..

and we stayed up all night.. we talked for some more.. he sat at the other side of the room.. so did I...

I think he was affraid to sit next to me.. for some reason...

That day I was happy.. still.. That day was almost the same days we had when we were to gether..
What did changes?....

we were appart.. that was changes.. for the rest.. we were the same..

I missed that..

he made it al so simple.. when it isnt ...

I know I love him... And I know ... he doest know what he wants...

Its scares me..

thats all for now..

we are frieds...

The days after

2010-12-21T18:35:00.002+01:00

Still heard nothing from him.

I feel like a fool.. But then again.. I feel soo lost..
I also feel very sick lately..

I wonder what he is thinking and what he is doing..
I mis him al lot.. I think he knows that..

He doesnt show himself in to the store where I work.. Maybe only when im already home or early in the morning so that he don't see me..

I think a lot about him... And I hate myself for that..

The bad thing is.. I also think he is with someone els.. I know.. thats bad.. But who am I?
He is the one that doesn't want to talk..

I stil don't know why.. and I want to know..

I do miss him..

The end is there..

2010-12-19T22:29:00.006+01:00

And so is our tree grow in to a very beautiful japanese blossum.
With the tears of flowers falling down on the white snow....

Yes the end of our loving relationschip has ended.
Not on my side .... he was the one who ended it.

My lak of explaining this in english does not mean that I dont want to..

here in Dutch....

Mijn hart is weer .. gebroken in duizend stukjes op de vloer....

Nog zon normale dag bij huize des vriendje..
Klaar met werken..
Ik kom dan thuis.. we zoenen elkaar en kijken in elkaars ogen zoals iedere dag.
Nog geen honger.. dan maar even onder de dousch..
Ik kom terug van de dousch... Gaat hij opeens douschen..

Ook raar.. anders douschen we gewoon wel een samen..
Maar om de beurt is nooit zo..

Ik kijk hem aan.. " ik heb honger, ik ga eten maken.."

Ik pak de pan en was bereid om het eten op te warmen.

( nu komt het harde gedeelte)

Ik keek om .. ik zag hem staan...

" wat is er schatje?"
Hij "dit gaat niet werken zo... " hij wees mij en hem aan..

Ik "huh? wat gaat niet werken? waar heb je het over?"

Ik "hoe bedoel je? wat is er aan de hand? "

Ik ga zitten op de bank en keek hem verward aan..

Ik "wat is er? wat bedoel je hier mee? en waarom zeg je dit nu? waarom vandaag? waarom?"

Hij kijkt me aan... "ik heb geen gevoellens meer.. de klik is weg.. "

De rest is gewoon te gemeen om op te schrijven..

Geen gevoel meer...

Geen klik meer...

Wat is er toch gebeurd? Wat maakt hem zon rationele beslissing?

Ik was in shock de hele avond.. de hele avond en nacht zat ik nog steeds stil trillend op de bank.. hij liep wat rond rookte zijn shag en keek naar de buis...

Zoveel vragen in mijn hoofd en onbeantwoord gebleven..

Die avond.. ik "ben je boos op me? "

hij "nee"

ik "wat wil je dan?"

hij.. " zucht.. ik wil rust.."

Ik hed die avond daar nog geslapen omdat ik niet weet wat ik anders moest doen..

De kinders waren vroeg wakker.. in mijn hoofd dacht ik nog steeds .. het kan niet waar zijn.. het was een droom.. een nachtmerrie..

Ik ging naar beneden met de kinderen.. met de gedachten dat hij lekker uit kan slapen omdat hij die nacht moet werken.. dus offer ik me laatse ochtend om bij zijn kinders te zijn..

Hij werd wakker.. paar uur later..

Hij kwam naar beneden en maakte ontbijt voor ons allen..

Hij keek me niet eens aan.. ik keek hem wel aan..

Dat deed pijn..

Hij nam de kinderen naar de badkamer om te doushen.. Dat leek mij het beste moment om zoveel spullen in te pakken en maar weg te gaan..

Ondertussen smsde ik me lieve buurmeisje.. Ik moest maar eens langs komen.. dus dat deed ik.. ik heb daar geslapen om alles wat er gebeurd was in me op te nemen.. ik probeer het te accepteren.. Ik weet nog dat ik zei "Ik wil je niet kwijt.. ik heb nog steeds wel gevoel voor jou.. en als die klik er niet is.. en al die gevoel niet meer is.. wil ik er als nog ervoor vechten.. ik ga dit niet opgeven.. ik wil je niet kwijt... ja, het doet me pijn.. maar ik wil er voor vechten....."

Ik geef hem nu wat rust en ruimte.. Ik wil er nog over praten.. maar ik zal hem de ruimte en rust geven.. als de tijd komt.. praten we weer verder..

We hebben zo veel meegemaakt... opgebouwd.. je kan toch niet opeens zelf gaan beslissen dat het over is? je kan toch niet iets stoppen als je samen iets bent begonnen?

Ik weet .. wat ik hier schrijft zal hij toch niet lezen.. Maar mocht hij dit weten.. Dat dit de angst is waarom ik geen relatie wilde.. de angst om iemand van wie je leert te houden dan weer los moet laten.. Ik heb het gevoel dat ik niet 1 persoon moest los laten.. maar 3 personen tegelijk.. in 1 x .. dat komt hard aan..
Ik heb geleerd om van hem te gaan houden.. van zijn kinderen.. en weer gelukkig te zijn..
Maar dat alles.. is weer van me weggenomen... Soms denk ik.. waarom waren we dan begonnen aan de relatie.. wat was er gebeurd? Wat maakt ons tot hoe we nu zijn?
Wat is er nu ?

Ik weet dat ik nog steeds van hem houd..
Ik heb hem mijn liefde gegeven.. mijn vertrouwen.. mijn geduld.. mijn eerlijkheid.. ik heb hem gesteund in meerdere dingen.
ik kan hem nog niet los laten.. nog niet.. als we hebben gepraat .. dan wel.. dan weet ik meer..

Take care.. With a lot of love... from me.. xoxo

I got nothing to say

2010-12-14T23:49:00.002+01:00

I got nothing to say....

Really... i am just very happy.

That is very new since the past years..

I am happy like before I ever posted on blogs.. or even started one.

But I do have to post something right?

Ok here it is..

I past my exame with an 8,4!
THATS GREAT !

I still have to take some cute pictures.. for the wallet..

Now I really have nothing to say..

maybe soon..

xx

Wallet..

2010-12-06T23:52:00.002+01:00

I was thinking.....

a lot this time....

I want to make a picture ..

Of the little ones and myself.

Why?

My boyfriend lost his wallet a whille ago.. and he wants a new one..

In that wallet he lost was a gift from his mother.. a very loving and kind women.
The stuff that was in the wallet was very important for him. And there was a beutyfull picture of his daughters.

I want to give him as a gift : a new wallet and some pictures of his childern and me.

sow.. when will I make this pictures?,,..

some day now and the new wallet is also comming soon.

you know.. I havent tell him yet that I love him.. its to soon for this kind of stuff I think..

When will be the time to tell him?

He knows that I already do love him but I just havent say it yet..

I think he give so much but don't want something back.. BUT I DO want to give him something back.. I appreciate everything that he does.. and I want to give something back..

the wallet and the pictures is my gift to him..

x

Tijgerin?!

2010-12-05T20:37:00.000+01:00

Dear you,

Ben jij wie ik denk dat jij bent?

Want ik denk dat jij E... bent maar ik weet het niet zeker..
Als alles wat jij mij hebt verteld of heb achter gelaten hebt. Weet ik het wel bijna zeker dat jij dat bent.

Het spijt me met wat ik deed bij jouw.

Zoals je het leest heb ik zelf veel moeite met mezelf gehad en in die periode zat jij er ook in.
Ik had me ups en me downs. Na jouw was ik best wel uitbundig geweest en lette ik niet meer wat andere mensen ervan moest denken. Ik heb die tijd nu echter al heeel lang achter me gelaten. Ik ben blij dat nu alles een beetje op rolletjes begint te lopen bij jouw.
Ik hoop ook het beste voor je en dat jij heel gelukkig mag zijn.

Ik heb ons verleden achter me gelaten en ik hoop dat jij dat ook doe. Ik weet dat het best moeilijk was geweest voor jouw. Maar dat was wel het beste manier om verder te gaan met leven.. Jouw leven en Mijn leven.

Wat er ook gebeurd.. een dag begint met een lach... :)

x

An update!

2010-12-05T20:02:00.000+01:00

I have Happy feelings!
The question is... should I say this out loud?!

My awnser: YES!
Why not?

I feel good and I really like it.

Let me tell u something.

I don't really know who will read my blog, because I just don't care.
I want to speack out with words, what I don't really say it out loud in real life.

My life have been very painfull and unsure. I think that the time of unsecureness is over and I have to move on.
What I was saying was.. that im am very happy.

You know the guy with the kids?...

He is my sweetest and loving boyfriend ever.

Sow we thought that we are not going to work out. But we just give it a try.
And so far so good.. we are happy.

I really din't think of having a boyfriend or someone els ever again. He gave me hope and I think I did the same to him.

We did denied it for a whille .. well he denied it but I was sure I want to be with him. ( I wanted to plant a tree.. :) )
I was sure we will work it out as long as we want it to be.

I am with him for 6 month now.

And more will come.

I am a lot with him, but I think sometimes I am with him too much. It is not that I dont want to but I want him to have his freedom.

Like I said. I am happy and so is he.

I hope that my update is clear to you.. For me im sure very very happy...

:) see you laters...

Cupido doet het alweer..

2010-06-20T23:07:00.000+02:00

Natuurlijk was cupido weer in mijn buurt..

Waarom uitgerekend moet hij mij nou weer hebben.. er komt toch niks meer uit dan alleen lekker sex..

Ik begrijp de liefde op deze aarde niet meer.. waar is het gegaan en hoe kom je er weer overheen?

Liefde is het niet.. maar natuurlijk mag je iemand leuk vinden of iets meer dan leuk.. maar echte liefde bestaat eigenlijk niet.

Of komt het omdat ik er niet meer in gelooft en dat het mij dan ook niet meer wil laten geloven?

Het heeft me alweer wat energie gekost om iemand mij leuk te kunnen vinden .. die ik gevonden zou hebben.. maar dan eindigd het altijd op dat het toch niks word?

Wat moet er dan wat worden? Het is niet dat ik gelijk wil trouwen en samen wonen en kinderen hebben.. jongens.. het moet wel leuk blijven hoor.

Maar ja aan oneindig lekker sex kan je ook geen relatie mee opbouwen..

Misschien in bed.. maar niet openbaar.

Het is echter wel leuk om iemand te hebben die er voor je kan zijn of gewoon lekker met je kan kletsen of sexen.. maar het is ook wel eens leuk om die iemand te behouden ..

Alleen dat lukt mij dat never nooit..

Nu begin ik me toch iets af te vragen.. ben ik een een of anders sex toy of ben ik een persoon die 'geen relatie'op haar voorhoofd heeft staan?

Doe ik iets verkeerd?

Ik heb toch echt niet bewust deze levenstijl gekozen hoor.. als ik dat wel had gedaan dan was ik verdomd wel vrolijkker geweest!

* zucht* ...

Niemand heeft het voor te kiezen om welk levenstijl ze graag willen hebben.. Maar toch heeft de mijne zijn ups and downs.

Het heeft me twee weken zoet gehouden dat wel... en ja het was ook erg leuk.. en ik was ook erg gelukkig met het gevoel.. maar nu het toch niks word is dat 'happy feeling' weg.

Wat kan er gebeuren?

Het feit is...

Hij is me buurman.

Hij heeft twee lieve kleine meisjes.

Hij is gescheiden.

Hij is net bezig met zijn nieuwe baan/cariere.

Ik ben The girl next door.

Ik ben geliefd bij de twee dochters.

( die komen elke weekend langs)

Het is moeilijk om wat er van maken of is het onmogelijk?.. of wat?

Ik weet niet wat het is maar een relatie opbouwen is net een boom planten.. kijken of het bloeit...

Als het bloeit ga je verder en als de boom niet meer bloeit dan takken en bladeren.. dan moet je meer water geven..

als het dood is ... is je relatie voorbij..

Bij ons was het alleen nog maar een boom planten.. de rest was overbodig.. of naja.. we zien nog niks bloeien dus het lan zijn dat het niks word..?

Raar ...

Ik ben toch alweer geslaagd om niet echt een relatie te hebben.. of ik heb gefaald om een goed relatie op te starten..

Of ik ben gewoon niet geschikt om een boom te planten..

Toch mis ik het leven van samen zijn.

Het is hoe je het bekijkt.. en hoe je er mee om gaat...moeilijk he? het leven!..

Toch moet je doorgaan met wat je doet.. want voor je het weet.. staat cupido weer voor je deur.

Love and hugs..

Poehtje

Time traveling 1

2010-05-06T00:07:00.000+02:00

It is almost there..

The last time that I saw u, The last moment we had..

And you , when you left this world.. and leave everyone behind..

It was not your dision to make. But you just have to go..

We were once a friend, and more then one a lover..

I miss u.. Take care of me above.. R.I.P Tze lok

Hoorn10-04- 2010

2010-04-14T00:57:00.000+02:00

Gezellig met de meiden naar Hoorn!

Een avond met een onverwachte wending.. spannend..

"wat gaan we zaterdag avond doen meiden?" Vraagt R.

"ik weet het nog niet hoor" zegt vriendin I.

"Ik weet ook niet.. "zei ik..

"zullen we dan maar naar Hoorn gaan, want daar zijn we nog niet uit geweest.. "

ik "welja laten we dat maar gaan doen :P"

Een avondje stappen met de meiden..

Eerst een verjaardag in HHW en daarna op naar Hoorn..

Onverwachts kwam vriendin L. ook maar mee.

Leuk met de meiden op stap en ik als "BOB"

We waren eerst naar een kroeg bar of wat het ook was. "fame" erg rustig maar wel een leuk muziek.. en een leuke barman.. :D

Het was bijna waalf uur.. dan maar eerst naar ander barretjes kijken totdat we in een echte leuke bar zitten/staan.

Maar tot onze spijt kregen we te horen van een uitsmijter dat alle kroegen dicht gaan om twaalf uur.. naja dicht.. we moeten beslissen waar we heen gingen..

Of we blijven.. of we gaan ergens anders op zoek naar een hele gezellige avondje in Hoorn.

Ok goed. we gingen naar "Rasco of Racso "weet niet meer..

Er we gingen naar binnen en het leek alsof ik in eenstudenten feest belande.. zooo veel studentjes en heel erg jong.. ik voelde net een pedo toen ik binnen liep.

Maar goed jassen opgehangen en dan maar kijken of we het gezellig krijgen want we kunnen nu toch nergens meer naar binnen.. stomme avond klok..

Slaat natuurlijk nergens op.. zo word uitgaan ook geen pretje meer.

Anyway, langzaamerhand wat drinken en nog meer en nog meer en nog meer.. ( ik moest vaak naar de wc.. zoveel had ik gedronken.. cola dan he.. ik bob) en nog veel meer...

We werden wat losser.. naja de meiden..

Ook zagen we een meisje heel erg belachelijk dansen.. ze zal vast wel aardig zijn.. maar ik geloof niet dat we op een kinderfeestje zijn..

Geen een leuke jongen gespot.. maar er was wel een nieuwe barman aanwezig.. uhm ja dat werd aangekondigd.. ik weet dat niet zomaar..

Aan het einde van de avond rond de klok van 3 uur ofzow.. kregen we eindelijk zijn aandacht.. leuk op de foto geweest en lekker gekust ( op de wang) en billen geknepen.. oops.. ja dat was ik..

We werden gekker en gezelliger.. natuurlijk altijd wanneer we naar huis gingen

Maar we nemen wel leuke herineringen mee.. zoals een brandweerbord van de kroeg uit de layout jatten.. oops ik bedoelde lenen..

Onderweg wouden de meiden ook nog de bloemmetjes buiten zetten.. en hoe doen ze dat zo vroeg in de ochtend?..

Gewoon meenemen en in de kofferbak zetten.. als we er nog meer wouden hebben.. gingen we gewoon terug om nog meer te halen.. ooow wat een nacht! En "pas op NAT"bord zullen we natuurlijk niet vergeten..

mooie herineringen... zoo mooi

Ik heb het op film.. hahahahah ...

Het is lente en we doen ons best om .. DE bloemmetjes buiten te zetten.. :P

Groetjes! xxx

Comment Reply : Tijgerin

2010-04-09T01:05:00.000+02:00

Comment reply:

Wow..

dat betekend veel voor me om van een ander te horen..

Heel erg bedankt voor jouw comment.. Tijgerin..

Ik werk nog harder en ja ik heb hulp erbij gehaald omdat ik .. het niet alleen kan..

Ik heb het over real life..

er zit meer achter dit koppie dan een lief klein meisje

Wat ik allenmaal doormaak is voor heel veell mensen een soort van .. niet normaal.. dat ik dit allemaal zover heb laten komen.. en dat ik dit alleen mee maakt..
Ik hoop dat ik verder kan als ik weer tot mezelf ben.. wellicht ben ik ook beetje depresief maaar dat houd me niet van de dingen om me heen.

Ja je hebt gelijk.. er zijn mensen op de wereld die echter helemaal niks hebben.. en ik ben ook blij dat ik eten en onderdak heb.. maar ik zou liever toch dood willen gaan dan zo door te leven.. klinkt hard maar ik leef nu denk ik alleen omdat ik niet anders kan..

Ik zal wat vaker updates zetten zodat er misschien toch wel hoop zie met wat er is in mijn leven..

With love.. Poehtje

Het Napoe Fonds

2010-04-09T00:53:00.000+02:00

Hellupp....!

Napoe heeft jouw donatie nodig!

Waarom ?................ Omdat het kan..

Napoe wil graag een auto... maar helaas is het met haar omstandigheden niet in staat om al haar geld in het sparen voor een autotje te stoppen.. Ze staat er alleen voor dus.. van haar familie is er geen hulp..Vandaar het fonds..

Denk er maar eens over na.. Waarom zou je niet geld doneren aan het Napoe fonds.

Als Napoe een auto heeft kan ze :
* Jou in nood ophalen
* Jou in nood wegbrengen.. Naar schiphol ofzow..
* Jou bob zijn zodat jij kan
bij Jou op visite komen... waar je ook woon..
* Eten geven aan je huisdier als het jouw even niet uitkomt..( daarbij heeft ze wel jouw toestemming plus je huis sleutels ervoor nodig).
* Jou Helpen met verhuizen
tot slot..

****Bij jouw zijn als je haar warmte nodig heb.. ze is er als je haar nodig hebt.. ****

IK ZEG DOEN!

zeg niet meteen nee.. want het heeft voor JOUW ook zijn voordelen..

Voor meer Info.. graag bij Napoe of een berichtje achterlaten.. xxx

up date..

2010-03-16T23:32:00.001+01:00

Wat heb ik tot nu toe in mijn leven bereikt?

Ik ben 25 jaar, ik woon nog thuis, ik heb geen auto, ik werk nog steeds bij mijn bijbaan.. wat nu wel een part time baan is geworden oh ja.. ik ben nog steeds single...

Maar wil ik dit nog wel?

Mijn drive voor ambitie is pleite en mijn leven is naar de moereloer.. of hell.. wat je maar kan bedenken.. bestaat er nog een kans dat ik.. kleine ik.. nog meer ga bereiken op deze kleine aarde? Als god echt bestaat hoop ik voor hem dat hij ontzettend zijn best doet om dat op tijd aan mij te geven.. want ik kan niet wachten op me nieuwe leven..

Maar als je het aan de andere kant bekijkt.. ik doe dit natuurlijk allenmaal zelf.. Dit is gewoon Karma.. In mijn vorige leven was ik waarscheinlijk een ego tripper, een verwent nest...
Ik ben no steeeds een ego tripper.. ( sommige dingen van je vorige leven neem je mee.,.. ik kan er niks aan doen..) maar een verwent nest bijt nu ontzettend in me kont!

Karma bites back..

Shit man.. dit had ik ook niet verwacht.. kon ik dit maar terug keren.. Maar dat zou de vorige ik natuulijk niet zeggen.. That Bitch..

What goes arounds comes around zeggen ze wel eens toch..

Wat doe ik dan in gods naam fout? En hoe kan ik dat het beste veranderen of verbeteren?... Ik kom er echt niet in me uppie uit..
Dit kan echt niet hoor..

Ik weet echt niet of het aan mij ligt.. om zo te leven.. of het aan anderen ligt..
Het vervelende is .. dat ik niet alleen kan oplossen.. ik heb hulp daarbij nodig..

Ik hoop ooit veel geld te winnen en dan eindelijk iets goed te gaan doen in mijn leven..
IK WIL ECHT GAAN LEVEN..

Maar.. nu moet ik het maar hier mee doen.. leven in mijn eigen wereldje.. in mijn hoofd... in mijn fantasie..
Ik geef niet op.. Ik pak dit harder aan.. ik moet dit wel doen.. voor mezelf.. zodat ik weer kan leven..

IK wens iedereen het beste..

I am Falling

2010-03-15T23:51:00.000+01:00

I rememberd the day that I discoverd that I love to draw... the day that I wanted to go study Fasion.

but I am falling

But I cant remember the day that I wanted to be a disigner...

I do wonder what went wrong?

but I am falling

I remember the day that I got my drivers licence..... and wishing every day for a car..

but I am falling

I think I worked hard for my life but .... I realised that what ever I do.. it is never good enough for my hart..

but I am falling

I really want to do more.. then be at home.. I want to go places .. meet more people.. do more for everyone..

but I am falling

I do good.. but I get nothing..

I give and give... but have nothing..

I want to remember the day that I reach a Happy moments in my life and be happy about it.

maybe that day .. is when im dead?

what day would make me more happier then now?

When I have a carriere..

When I have a boyfriend..

When I get married..

When we lived together..

When we have a baby..

When I lived old to see my children have kids..

When will it be?

I Want to be Happy again...

I want to have someone that cares for me...

I want to be someone special..

I want to be loved again..

Most of all... I want someone who can be happy with me...

I am falling.. and I cant get up.. I need help and love...........

Who will have this for me?

However... I will never give up......................... I will think of u allways

Why?

2010-02-13T00:21:00.000+01:00

If you dont want to get hurt.. why take the risk?

I think we just dont learn from our mistakes that we made.

Really, think about it. why do we keep on hurting when we KNOW that we musnt.

Sometimes I just dont know anymore whats real and what isnt.

But now I feel like im doing the same thing over again.. and I have no one to blame on then myself. Falling for the same type of guys ...

Really I shoulnt do that..

Just keep on asking.. why oooooh why.....

WHY?

Techno Island.

2010-01-24T15:03:00.000+01:00

Yeah baby!

My friends and I organised a party for fun.

We had to pay for the dj and others.

What we dint know was that we stay till 6 am in the morning!

just a small update..... just have to say this..

yes im on a roll again!..

oh yes.. did I mention I had a bet with my Girlfriend...

the bet was..

Dont sleep with a guy.... anyone.. ... no sex... .... for two month...

we are now two and a half week.. so.. not to hurry..

just chill and be safe!

wait for further information :P

p.s. I did kiss a guy so.. that doesn't count! >.

My dearest,

2010-01-08T22:46:00.000+01:00

Why oh why do I think of you?

Do you think its funny?.. well?.. do you?

I think its not!
I am thinking of you.. this just isn't making any changes.

What do I do to not think of you.

hhhhmmmm....

Im making myself very hard aren't I?

GGGGGGRRRRRrrrrrrr......

not mad..

help me get over you...

The rat!.. thats me..

2010-01-02T23:52:00.000+01:00

The rat in the year of the tiger!

The Rat

Rats are charming, elegant and clever. They can be a bit gossipy and prone to being distracted. They’re also thrifty and very good with handling money. Family and close friends are exceptionally important to them. The Rat is charming beyond words and throughout his undoubtedly long life he will always be popular and will have many friends.

Forecast for 2010
The Rat may be feeling quite tired and deflated after 2009, which saw him keeping his head down, working and staying out of trouble. The Year of the Tiger is going to be fast-paced for the Rat, which in itself does tend to make them slightly uncomfortable. But it is essential that they go with the flow and seize opportunities and take adventures – this year is going to be important for them. A lot of Rats may have dreamt of travel in 2009 but were unable to take trips either due to financial or work commitments. This year will be so different! Travel will feature strongly for many and if there is dream destination in mind, it may become a reality during 2010. February and March can bring interesting work offers, while June to August and December will bring happy social occasions. Romantically, September and October bring tempting offers for single Rats, while those who are attached will find the summer most special. It is essential for all persons born under this sign to be extra thoughtful and caring throughout the year – an inadvertent remark or gesture could lead to discord with loved ones.

Interesting Rat Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Garnet
Special Flower: Narcissus
Best Hours: 11 pm -1 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Black, White, Purple

Why does things have to changes?

2010-01-02T22:34:00.000+01:00

Did things really have changes?

I know love never did changes.

Here ill tell you what could happen.. if you were me..

I thought 2008 was a dissaster in love.. but 2009 was just the same.. It will never changes.. I you dont want to....

Thats right.. you read it correctly ... If you want to changes .. it will be. in time..

oooh yes.. my love(er) story of 2009....

As you know.. my lover died..

I didnt want someone new.. i didnt expected to be with someone so soon..

I surtenly didnt expected someone younger then me. But what do I know about love right?

So I know him from work..

Really didnt know him that well.. but just enought to know he is CUTE..

It was his last weeks there.. sure we flirt and stuff.. but not to think we will be going out..

Lets start with where we met..

We were at a party of an college of us. A pool party.

We sat next to each other and then suddenly I was on his lap. We were flirting with eachtoter through the whole party. I told him.. we can not do this. you are young.. im old. we are 5/6 years appart. and yes you are very atractive to me.. maybe we should not be with eachtother.

somehow I got his number.. and starting to text him.. as a friend..

so we meet.

and so we kissed..

Having a lot of dates we just dont know what to do.. I mean I dont know what to do. I cant be with someone who is younger then me.. that was my biggest issiu.

But that didn't bother him.

So we went throu, although Im not feeling ok with it. He made it feel like its ok.

I was falling for him as we were together.. but I didnt want him to hurt me.. so i keep it in a distends. Not to close with eachother and not to far.

That way, if he hurt me... he doesnt hurt me badly.

So, after some dating we met at friends house and just keep on meeting and.. so yeah .. all of our friends know we are with eachother.. but.. ofcours. not really in a relationschip.

Sometimes we are and sometimes we arent.

Confusing right.. yeah.. I know.

After some weeks.. we alreaddy having a fight about what he wanted.. if he still wanted.. he diside not to go throug with us..

ok..

Well.. im nog going to let him go that easely.

So we started to text again.. and ending up with eachother..

now.. six month later.. he still doesn't know what he wants again..

He said.. lets not go anny further then this, just friends.. but you can come and go out and shopping or things like that. ( this is what he told me before we started .... and yes.. again.. )

It is like being dumped by the same guy twice..

Sow.. something really didnt changes right?

Like me. I still don't know what I want.

Do you know what you want?

Let's say.. we will have luck this year... What ever it brings along..

Love is a twisted minded games..

Oh how do I love games.. :P

Edit****

We cald and spoke what we had...

and so I know we had an relationship...

I didn't know about us un till now.

But im glad that we had one...

now we are just friends.

So 2010... MAKE ME HAPPY!

No goodbye

2009-06-26T20:30:00.000+02:00

Ik weet nog toen we elkaar voor het eerst zagen en grapjes maakten. Jij was dan een Karel en ik was mezelf. Al die herineringen blijven nu herineringen. Ik zal je nooit meer zien... Onze momenten zijn voorbij. Een jaar lang hadden we iets samen zonder dat mensen ervan weten. Alleen de personen die dicht bij ons hart wisten van ons. We hebben samen veel leuke dingen meegemaakt maar er waren ook tijden die minder waren. Jij werkte veel en had geen tijd. Het maakte mij niet uit wanneer ik je weer zag, want je kwam altijd weer bij me terug. Dat is bij die niet meer.

Je was in je diepe slaap nooit meer wakker geworden. Ik denk dat je lichaam meer rust nodig had je jij zelf.

Je komt nu niet meer bij me terug.

Je was een klootzak hoe je tegen over mij deed.Maar je was ook erg lief voor mij geweest toen ik je nodig had.

Jij was mijn lieve klootzak.

Was mijn laatste woorden maar niet : dan blijf je maar weg..
helaas kan ik niet terug in de tijd om die zin te veranderen. ik had kunnen zeggen : we moeten eens praten.

Maar je bent er niet meer, niet meer op deze aarde, zo jong, zo geliefd.

Ik zal je missen, je zult altijd een plekje hebben in mijn hart.

Rust zacht lieve Tzelok Shing. 20-06-1982 / 06-06-2009

May heaven love you like I do.

5 tequila and the one thing im thinking of is you..

2009-05-10T04:02:00.000+02:00

Hey you,

Whats on my mind right now?

You don't know right?

Well let me say it to you,

My head is spinning and spining and I don't know if it's you or the tequila i'm drinking but it hurts as much as you hurt me.

The one thing Im thinking about is you.. and only you.. why?

You may think it's just the way drinking is supose to be but I think it's is just you. Only you can make my mind keep on spinning like this.

normaly my mind go blank or i'm just drunk to understand what im thinking right now but.. let me tell you something.

You are not the only one with things on there minds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The drinking only makes me nomb for a while but when the time is there i will have to look for more then just you.
My mind go blank again and I start over.. I star a new chapter in my mind and this will contuinu untill u come again.

Why do you come back?

Don't you understand ?

There will be a time that I can't controle myself, that then I wil confuse myself "it will be ok".

But thats not the trouth..

If you say, you will be mine.. then you will understant the true meaning of love, you get even more then that.
You get me, You get me and my mind.

You just have to be honest with yourself and so you will have me.

if not you only have my body.

You will not be free, Ill will let you be.

If you want to know, Ill wil let you know that youll be ok, you will be fine couse im here with you.

Please don't drive me away...

6 Tequila and still thinking about you..

MagMyPic

2009-01-26T19:04:00.001+01:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

2008 the year of the break up...

2008-11-12T18:36:00.000+01:00

Yes, it' s true.

Ik zelf heb het niet mee gemaakt .. sort off.. maar
mensen om mij heen hebben het zwaar te pakken dit jaar.

Als dit het jaar van de break up is.. dan moet volgend jaar zeker weten wel het jaar van de liefde zijn.
Tenminste.. als je er op uit gaat dat er een balans bestaat tussen goed en kwaad, aan en uit.

Ik denk dat er 7 op de 10 mensen wensen om uit elkaar te gaan en 5 op de 10 willen graag vreemd gaan. En ik weet zeker dat 8 op de 10 mensen vrijgezel willen zijn omdat ze geen tijd hebben.

waarom?..

omdat het om mij heen gebeurd..

Het is gewoon zo triest voor woorden en ik vind eigenlijk dat het wel tijd werd voor volgend jaar.. de jaar van de liefde.

Ik wil zelf ook al niet meer vrijgezel zijn. Het was heel leuk en een hele leuke ervaringen maar ik mist echt wel "de gevoel"......

Je snapt wel wat voor gevoel.
Ik wil dat weer hebben... Het maakt mij vrolijker en ik ben dan veel gelukkiger. Dat weet ik zeker.

Maar jammer genoeg gaat het niet alleen van 1 kant. ... het moet van 2 kanten komen.... Die heb ik nog niet gezien. naja niet genoeg. Ik geef te veel liefde.. Maar ik wil ook liefde terug krijgen..

Vraag me af of ik dat werkelijk ook nog krijgt.

people!! I WANT MORE LOVE!!!!

give me love..

XOXO..

Hellow "you"

2008-10-08T00:45:00.000+02:00

Hi, how have you been?

I'm doing just fine, I guess.
But then again.. I don't know whats wrong with me.
I get the feeling that, what I want, always moving away from me.... I can not reach it, I can not thoutch it...

Do I want that?.. NO! ofcours not

But what does that want from me?
Does it want me to fallow? Or does it want me to stay.. and leave it alone?

You know im not talking about things right?

annyway,

im back at school and doing just fine..
still no car to drive with..

Still thinking about him, But its over now.. I don't want that to be.. but I guess there is nothing for me ............ to wait for.

I have thing to do, you have things to do..

so we can't do things together...

Its to bad you din't try ... at all...

But now I know.. there is more... then you alone..

So I say goodbye to "you "

Im in MEM!!!!!!

2008-09-06T22:08:00.000+02:00

HELLO world!

Im so happy!

Ja dit is het! Nu gaat het echt gebeuren!
Ik ga weer naar school! Na twee jaar part time te hebben gewerkt ga ik nu weer voltijds naar school.
Dat is een hoop verandering in mijn leven..

Mijn eerste jaar mem gaat heel hard worden maar ik geef de moed niet op want ik ga dit diploma halen. Het eerste wat ik ga doen is dit blog up-date zetten!

Wat is er allenmaal gebeurd?

Dat zal ik je vertellen.
Mijn leven is meteen omgedraait nadat ik het nieuws had gekregen dat ik ingeloot was voor de mem. Ja dat is niet niks.
Het eerste wat ik deed was supper blij zijn en natuurlijk doorvertellen aan de rest van mijn omgeving. Ja iedereen was ook blij voor mij!

Na de introductie van de mem was ik best benieuwd naar de hbo opleiding..

Het is echt niet niks... je moet er echt veel voor doen als je het echt wilt!

mijn eerste week was net voorbij en ik heb al het gevoel dat ik het zwaar zal krijgen. maar dat houd me niet tegen want ik ga ervoor!

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mijn behaalde doelen:

Ik heb trouwens mijn rijbewijs gehaald! jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Ik ga naar school!!!!

mijn kennis uitbreiden!

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Wat er ook gebeurd! Altijd ervoor gaan!

xxx Poehtje

I was wrong..

2008-05-02T23:53:00.000+02:00

I dint make it an weekly thing of my blog..

its more like a cuple of month blogs hahahahh

yeah sorry been buzzy with meself.

ok poep engels..

ik ga nu gewoon weer nederlands schrijven.. ook als is de spelling net als engels, maar ik moet dan niet meer te lang nadenken hoe ik iets schrijft hahaha ..

Wat heb ik gedaan in de afgelopen tijd?

Ik ben over al..

vooral bij deen..

pppffffff moet weer ff nadenken wat ik eerst wou schrijven. afgelopen dagen heb ik veel aan mijn hoofd, maar nee ik had geen papier om het op te schrijven.. echt een nerd..

owja, laten we maar beginnen wat ik heb gedaan voor mijn toekomst..

Ik heb me pas ingeschreven voor een HBO opleiding. Nu zit ik in de loting.. er word dus met mij geloot.. wist ik niet, tot dat ik een brief ervan kreeg.

maar goed.

Ik ga dus een HBO opleiding doen en dat heet : media en entertainmend management( bachelor). ook wel MEM genoemd.

wat kan ik er mee worden?
geen idee.. ff opzoeken..

dit heb ik gevonden..

Als afgestudeerd media en entertainment manager kom je terecht in bijvoorbeeld marketing- en productiefuncties in de mediawereld en de entertainmentbranche, ‘imagineeringsfuncties’ bij ‘traditionele’ communicatiebureaus waar men het entertainmentgehalte wil verhogen, mediamanagementfuncties bij vooral dienstverlenende bedrijven waar communicatie cruciaal is.

ja dat dus..

ik kan dus ook de communucatie kant in gaan..

en ja ik werk nog steeds bij deen en nee ik vind het helenmaal niet zo erg zoals iedereen het z denkt, ik verdien nu goed maar wil natuurlijk nog meer verdienen .. dus dan maar een HBO opleiding.

een uitdaging voor mij dit jaar .. is het eerste jaar doorkomen..

GOD HELP ME!

verder.. mijn hamster gaat dood denk ik.

hij heeft een kanker gezwel onder aan zijn arm, de dokter kan hem niet opereren omdat het een klein beestje is. dus het is beter voor hem om thuis te sterven..

het is een heel lief tam beestje.

misschien moest ik toch beter op hem letten.. ( mijn ma had hem gewoon niet hem uit de kooi moeten halen.. met katten in huis..) .. ofzow..

Tja, hoe is het leven van mij nu?

die vraag probeer ik zo nu en dan te ontwijken want soms weet ik het zelf gewoon niet hoe het met mij gaat .

Soms denk ik dat het super gaat en dan ben ik zo vrolijk dat ik alles letterlijk vergeet. Wanneer het niet goed gaat ben ik sip en saai. en dan ga ik veel denken.. en dat is helenmaal niet goed voor mij.. mijn hoofd

tja zo gaat het dan denk ik .. zo ben ik .. en meer kan ik je niet aanbieden..
of hoe je het ook noemd..

nacht leven???

ja de kans dat ik uitgaat is nogal klein als je in dit kleine dorpje woon. maar ik doe mijn best om even tussen uit te gaan.

dag leven???

ja die is er wel.. meestal in mijn bed..

neej niet wat jullie denken.. smeerlappen....

maar ik bedoel met lui zijn en niet willen doen wat je eigenlijk hoor te doen.. overdag.. leven.
misschien moet ik mezelf even een klap geven zodat ik echt wakker word en dan een wat ervan gaan maken.. klinkt zooo makkelijk..

Maar omdat te bereiken moet ik wel een doel hebben ..
die heb ik nog niet . ik ben nogal doelloos ingesteld.. nu nog wel..

straks zit mijn hoofd weer propvol met ideeen en ik maar niet opschrijven.. dom dom dom dom..

ok waar was ik ook alweer???

owja. Ik ga over twee weken lekker weekendje weg naar Antwerpen..
jaaaaaaaaaaaa lekker uitgaan en shoppen till ill droppe

ik wil heel graag mijn rijbewijs halen. en ik ga er meteen werk aan maken.

ik heb me theorie tenminste al.. nu het rijden nog. hoewel ik moet zeggen dat ik het gewoon wel kan rijden .. :P

Nu ik weer naar school ga ben ik eigenlijk best wel bang dat ik niet bij die school pas.. ik ben ook bang om nieuwe vrienden te maken of klasgenoten te ontmoeten enzo...

ik heb gelezen dat ze een week gaan houden voor nieuwe mensen.. nou .. dat is toch een werk week?

dat vind ik helenmaal niks.. moet ik zeker weer iets vertellen over mij?.. kunnen ze gewoon niet hier komen en dan gaan lezen?

============================================================

onderwerp liefde.

welke???

Na me eerste liefde denk ik dat ik nooit meer verliefd kan worden en ik denk dat ik ook niet meer weet hoe dat voeld..
vlinders in me buik? wat is dat?
kriebels ja dat ken ik.. maaar echte vlinders voel ik niet meer. ik denk gewoon dat de vlinders weer veranderd zijn in rupsen.. en daarna nog lekker lui zitten wachten tot me tweede ware.. :P
mensen leuk vinden ja, dat ken ik ook.. maar ik denk niet dat ik nog een keer pijn wil hebben .. ook al is de eerste beste pijn het hardste pijn is die je maar ooit kon voelen in de liefde..
ik wil gewoon liever anderen pijn doen dan dat ze mij pijn doen..
aan de andere kant.. ik wil niet net als bridget zijn.. in de 30 en nog single. en klunzig..
gelukkig ben ik nog lang geen dertig.. ff afkloppen..
owja.. liefde..

ppff .. ik zit nu is de fase de vrije loop. denk ik .. de scharrel fase.. ( de fase die je eigenlijk al had moeten hebben toen je 17 was ofzow)
Ik ben vrij en ik kan staan en gaan waar ik wil..
tot dat ik de tweede ware vind.
dat kan misschien wel mister nummer 47 zijn. hoewel ik nog niet weet tot welk getal ik ga.. wil ik niet eens over de tien gaan. omdat ik me wel waardig voel om binnen de getal tien mijn tweede ware kan vinden..

voorlopig de vrije loop.. kip..

please im no player im just hanging with you becouse i like u.

tot de volgende x

its like.. I know!!!

2008-03-13T23:03:00.000+01:00

I want to thank u alll for the comment.....

I know my english isnt well but I stil can talk right?
annyway..

im very happy its almost summer, spring is now here and I see baby lamb an baby calfs... sooooooo sweet.

I dont have mucht to say now.. I will speak a English video again. hehehe just for fun..

ill updat my blog later this monts..

thanks.. for the comments..

bye bye..

To many men?!?!

2008-02-19T23:07:00.000+01:00

I have been wondering....

How many is to many?

men I mean..

and how many is to mutch?

I was wondering how many is just to mutch, Cuzz I think there is a number but we just dont relay on that.

You know?

I havent been with to many men I think so how mutch do I stil have to go trough?
There must be an number. In the back of my mind my number must be 6.. why? because 6 is my lucky number... so mister number 6.. where are you?

lol...

I was working and there is not that many men thats good looking or nice or cute .. they are al maried men.. haahahhaha house men's...

I cant keep on working in a store!! damn it!! why cant I leave?

I can leave.. but I dont know where to go to, I think when I have a car or something like that that I should have a new job.... im not ready jet. I think... Im very comfterble where I am , but its just not the work that I like to do anymore. I just want a new challance but, im scared that it would be just temperary and not forever...

grazy hah?

any way.

how mutch is to mutch?

I could have *kic but Im just not really looking for kic's.
Im thinking of looking for a steady relationship. Maybe im just to open for many people or im just to closed? mmmmmmm I dont know..

* kic = thai meaning, he/she is not your boy/girlfriend but he/she is just a friend. and more. but not boy/girlfriend.. understand?

this is btw some picture of my painting, my second one.

anyway how you like the video?

My first video blog XD

2008-02-18T13:50:00.000+01:00

HI

This is my first video blog... now you see who I am and how I am .. hahahaha

enjoy

xxx

Hellow the year of the rat

2008-02-09T22:38:00.000+01:00

Hellow.

Whats new and whats going on?

Whats new:
- Im single again...
- Im not partying
- Im working
- I need money
- I love you
- Its the second month of the year

----------- so its going to be valentines day --------------

Yeah not liking that day..

not at all..

Whats new?

Im single and I dint even know that..
thats meens party al day and night right? like single girls do?

not me.. im being slow and trying to be slower..

you know?

no..

wel lets say ..

its getting to get on my .. you know..

Im happy with what I have and with what im going trouh but plaese can it be so hard te get a little bit more?

People want thing and get things..

I want love and get a lot of it but its not temperary.

that what I want..

------------------------------------------------

Whats going on?

OOOHH.. I have my drivers licence, exame on paper

and now I have to drive THE exame..

I have to wait first but I can wait till april..

Then the rules going to change in Holland..

its a pain in the ass with the paper thing.. its my sixst time and i made it..

uhm.....

Im painting,.,,. yeah whats that like?

uhm I love it! really I love it.

ill show me to you later at the edit.

and im starting to read again.. thats a plus..
that means im taking back my hobby's and living on with my life.
im glad..

The year of the rat is great, new things is on my way, the good and the bad.

I hopw that ill make it this year with a lot of love and happynes.
With me and around me.

xxx

Happy New Year!!!

2008-01-15T21:37:00.000+01:00

And thats how I start this blog....This year..

This is going to be the year of the Rat!

and im The Rat..

and proud of it!

Lets talk about the rat...

The Rat
Being born a Rat is nothing to be ashamed of. In China, the Rat is respected and considered a courageous, enterprising person. It is deemed an honor to be born in the Year of the Rat and it is considered a privilege to be associated with a Rat. Rats know exactly where to find solutions and can take care of themselves and others without problems. They use their instinctive sense of observation to help others in times of need and are among the most fit of all the Animal signs to survive most any situation.

Years of the Rat
First in the cycle, Rat Years begin the sequence and recur every twelfth year. The Chinese New Year does not fall on a specific date, so it is essential to check the calendar to find the exact date on which each Rat year actually begins.

The Sign of the Rat
Being born under this sign determines many talents, as well as other characteristics that may not be so commendable. Rats are very lively and need a lot of mental and physical stimulation. They can be calm and perceptive, but sometimes their brains can cause a mental restlessness, tempting them to take on too much, only to discover they are unable to meet their commitments. Rats are blessed with one of the best intellects going. Add to their intelligence a curiosity and a bright imagination, and they seem as sharp as a needle.

The sign of the Rat is the first sign in the cycle giving Rat people exude great leadership qualities and are good at taking the lead. They don't mind a lot of responsibility and they demonstrate a strong presence that other people respect. For those with the Rat nature, status and monetary satisfaction are the greatest motivation.

RAT FACTS:
People born in the Year of the Rat share certain characteristics. The Rat sign is an abbreviated way of characterizing that individual's personality. Following are features associated with the sign of the Rat. First in order, Chinese name-SHU, sign of charm
Hour-11pm-12:59am Month-December
Western Counterpart-Sagittarius

CHARACTERISTICS
Smart, Magnetic, Well-liked, Affable, Quick-witted, Surreptitious, Selfish, Protective, Calculating

IN YOUR ELEMENT

The characteristics of the Rat Sign are tempered by one of the five Chinese elements of Metal, Water, Wood, Fire and Earth overlaying a 5-year cycle of characteristics on the original 12-year cycle.

THE METAL RAT 1900 AND 1960
Of all the Rats, these are the toughest and most resolute. They are visionary and possess an emotional intensity that can lead to feelings of rage, envy, or possessiveness. They like to be in charge, and can act selfishly to get what they want. In relationships, business or personal, they can be obstinate. Metal rats have to bear in mind that meeting their partner halfway would help their relationships tremendously. They take great pride in their homes and enjoy decorating them in their impressively good taste.

THE WATER RAT 1912 AND 1972
Being guided by the Water element means these Rats have a knack for influencing people. With their strong intellectual powers and great insight, they are also great puzzle solvers. They are quick to understand others and are incredibly practical people. Rats apply their talents to their everyday lives, making them obliging, generous and compassionate to other people. Generally, they are liked and respected by everyone. Like all Rats, however, they can be determined to seek their own gain, and will not mind using these talents to achieve it - though generally without losing anyone's respect in doing so.

THE WOOD RAT 1924 AND 1984

Despite having a remarkable facade of self-confidence, deep down, Wood Rats are the least sure of themselves compared to other Rats. However, they wouldn't dream of showing this side of themselves to anyone. Only close companions of a Wood Rat would ever suspect that he or she had such self-doubt. In fact Wood Rats are often worried about downfall, despite their ability to find success. Well-liked, proficient, and good leaders at work, Wood Rats seem to function best when they are surrounded by family and friends. Cordial and delicate, they are usually well loved by family, friends and peers.

THE FIRE RAT 1936 AND 1996

Fire adds a bit of spontaneity and vigor to the already spirited Rat. These Rats like change and travel and are eager to start new projects or to take trips to exotic places. Fire Rats are likely to change their occupations and residences more often than most, and essentially shun any kind of routine. They can be anxious and impulsive, but their zest for life is quite irresistible, and they have the Rat's ability to along so well with others. Compared to other Rats, Fire Rats are likely to be more charitable, autonomous, and energetic and the least self-controlled.

THE EARTH RAT 1948 AND 2008

The Earth adds solidity to the Rat's personality. An Earth Rat is conventional and a good achiever who likes to establish roots early in order to make a secure future for himself and his family. These Rats have the typical Rat ingenuity and mental capacity, but a strong sense of reality often alludes them preventing them from going after anything that could be impromptu. Earth Rats are honorable and love to be stabilized. Slowly and steadily acquiring wealth gives them a sense of inner peace. Although they are capable of being stingy with their finances, they do possess warm feelings for their family and friends.

Health and home
RAT HEALTH
The affect of the sign of the Rat is energetic, and demonstrates enough endurance to fight most any sickness. Yet, all Rats tend to be tense, full of nervous energy, petulant and prone to stress. Rats also harbor a bit of aggression; yet, they are usually able to control it. Yoga would benefit Rats by calming their aggressive natures and helping them manage stress.

AT HOME WITH THE RAT

Rats make good homemakers who are always willing to do household chores. Rats are not usually interested in keeping up with the times, and it doesn't matter to them whether or not their furnishings are in style. What does matter is that their home is a refuge expressing warmth, comfort and vogue. Light blue is their color of choice for home decor. Because this is a sign of acquisition, the Rat person's house is presumably bursting with various knick-knacks collected over the years. Most Rats are cheerful, domesticated individuals who find happiness at home with their family.

Career and finance
THE RAT ON THE JOB
The Chinese say others should always listen to the advice of the Rat. Because of their intellect and observatory powers, Rat people possess prudence and perception. They can anticipate problems, and are always able to see the big picture. They can hone in on issues at hand and make measurable judgments. These skills, combined with their sense of aspiration also make them clever operators. Status, money, title, and recognition are important to the Rat. They have keen senses of observation that allow them to foresee upcoming business opportunities as well as potential occupational problems. The Rat makes a better boss than an employee and, although motivated, they can be pinned down by routines. Rats work better in flexible situations where they can be freely creative.

MONEY AND THE RAT
Cunning and thrifty, Rats have a knack with money and are apt to save for rainy days. When capable, the Rat is a great money saver, and in strapped times he knows how to make something out of nothing or how to turn make things advantageous for himself. Although few Rats suffer financially, the Chinese have a proverb: They who pile up grain hoards have much to lose.

RAT CAREERS
Those born in the Year of the Rat also share the same kinds of goals and objectives in life. The occupations best suited for the Rat are listed below:

RATS MAKE EXCELLENT:
Writers, Broadcasters, Actors, Advisors, Counselors, Lawyers, Politicians, Designers, Engineers, Managers, Directors, Administrators, Entrepreneurs, Musicians, Stand-up Comedians, Researchers, Historians, Race Car Drivers

CONGENIAL BUSINESS PARTNERS
Whether Rats are compatible with their business partners depends on whether their signs are harmonious or antagonistic to those of their partners. Considering the congruity of their own characters and the characters of their business colleagues can also be very useful.

Rats Ruled By	Benefit From	Are Antagonistic to
Metal	Earth Dragons	Fire Sheep
Water	Metal Rabbits	Earth Horses
Wood	Water Monkeys	Metal Snakes
Fire	Wood Oxen	Water Rats
Earth	Fire Pigs	Wood Roosters

Leisurely activities and pleasures
LIKES AND DISLIKES
Since Rats are born under the same Animal sign, they often share likes and dislikes. Following are similar likes and dislikes of the Rats personality:
Rats Like:
Color Preference: Light-Blue
Gems and Stones: Diamond, Amethyst, Garnet
Suitable Gifts: car accessories, art books, gym memberships, geographical maps
Hobbies and Pastimes: Interior design, playing basketball, crafts, painting
Rats' Dislike: Doing without things they want, strict time keeping, any routines, being at the end of the line

THE RAT VACATION
Travel delights the Rat personality and ignites his curiosity. Sunbathing is not the ideal way for a Rat to spend his vacation. Rats are adventurers. They want to explore, examine, visit and party during their time off. They want to try new foods, find new sights and experience the culture of the area they are visiting. And, of course, if they can come home with an exotic souvenir to add to their collection their vacation will have been an instant success.

FRIENDS AND ENEMIES
Generally friendly and sociable, the Rat is one of the extroverts of the Animal Zodiac. Often, the Rat is lively and genial, and has a special gift for easing the minds of others. It is not surprising that Rats have a lot of friends. They are great speakers and intriguing conversationalists, and can generally find something to say on just about any topic or subject. Of course, there is always that renowned Rat lure that allows them to charm the pants off of people! To the people they love, Rats can be amazingly charitable, popular and supportive, and will go out of their way to be certain their loved ones are content. On the other hand, if the Rat does not like someone, he is considered fair game and can be used to achieve any and all of the Rat's desires. At the end of the day, though, the Rat is a loyal friend and will be there for his companions through thick and thin.

Compatible Friends: Dragons and Monkeys
Mortal Enemy: Horses

RAT PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Rat parents are dedicated to their children. They encompass their little ones with love and attention and enjoy watching their offspring grow and experience the world. When their children are small they brood a great deal over them. Rats become concerned if their babies don't develop as quickly as other children. They anguish over whether or not they are raising their youngsters correctly. With the mental capacity to pick things up easily, Rats tend to get agitated with people who are not quite as quick-witted as they are. No wonder this trait could lead to conflict between Rat parents and their children should any of their children be late bloomers or harbor learning disabilities. Overall, Rats are indulgent parents who don't like denying their youngsters of things they want, and the children soon learn how to wrap their parents around their little fingers.

THE RAT INFANT AND CHILD
Rat babies love to be loved and cuddled. When they are young, Rat babies tend to depend tremendously on their parents, but later in life they develop natural leadership qualities. During their baby years, Rats mature slowly, but gain momentum as they become toddlers. Eventually, they begin to exhibit active mentalities, so, in the early years, plenty of sleep is necessary. In school, the young Rats are eager to learn. It is then, too, that Rats begin collecting things, and like to fill their bedrooms with pebbles, shells and keepsakes of every kind. Generally, young Rats are smart little people who are artistic and literary students. They are well-rounded and many of them do well in sports, too. Being born in the first sign of the Chinese horoscope motivates these children to be pioneers and gives them a need to be first in line.

RAT PARENT/CHILD KINSHIPS
Some parents click immediately with their children and others find they will never have a close relationship no matter how hard they try to make it happen. Following are the compatibility ratings between Rat parents and their children.

Lovers and partners

Rats are beautiful people with magnetic personalities. The Rat himself can't help but notice the admiration he receives from others. If the Chinese say there are few poor Rats, there are an even fewer number who are not sexually stimulating- especially as young people. Rat people are romantic, and are always happier to have someone to share with.

RAT ENRAPTURE
One of the Rat's greatest assets is his charm. Rats can melt hearts with their smiles. Add that to their coquettish personalities and you can easily see how they conquer the hearts of others. And, since Rats love to go out, they have plenty of chances to meet potential suitors or future partners. An annoying quirk of some Rats is they have a difficult time severing ties with former lovers. Obviously, this can pose potential conflicts for the Rat and his new lover and can even endanger his ability to develop new relationships. When the Rat finally settles down with Mr. or Ms. Right, he will find a sincere satisfaction in the intimacy of the partnership.

A RAT'S PARTNER
Although Rats like to be in the driver's seat, they do need partners who can keep up with their active lifestyles. Chinese horoscopes are very specific about which partnerships have the potential to be successful in love and in business. Yet, though destiny can point us in the right direction, we must still make efforts to maintain loving relationships. Following is a brief description of how a Rat will affect a relationship with other Animal signs.

PARTNERS IN LOVE
Rat*Rat
This is a prosperous partnership, especially in a business atmosphere. These two are bound to compete!
Rat*Ox
Very sexually enticing, yet likely to fail at marriage.
Rat*Tiger
Potential for great companionship, but you will have some major disputes.
Rat*Rabbit
Rats think Rabbits are boring. Rabbits love to be out and about. You will only frustrate each other.
Rat*Dragon
A solid, caring partnership. You value each other and get along very well.
Rat*Snake
Work on your differences and you could learn something form each other.
Rat*Horse
Don't even think about it.
Rat*Sheep
If you both try hard and make great efforts, you will survive.
Rat*Monkey
You share similar goals and will make a great match.
Rat*Rooster
It's just not worth it…there are too many conflicts.
Rat*Dog
Rats think Dogs are tiresome, but you have the potential to be a good match for each other.
Rat*Pig
Uphill, downhill, uphill…you love each other intensely, but keep an eye on your checkbooks!

EAST MEETS WEST
ARIES RAT
These are secure, bold, go-getting people who cannot pass on a challenge. Approachable and captivating, Aries Rats can also be short-tempered and touchy, especially with those who can't keep up.

LIBRAN RAT
Doubly affable, Libran Rats are smooth operators. These people are elegant and cultured. They are drawn to artistic pleasures such as music and theater. Pleasant to be around, Libran Rats excel in advertising and PR.

TAUREAN RAT
Taurean Rats are intimidating people. Their sharp minds never skip a beat and they don't lose sight of their goals. Conventional deep down, making money is their motivating factor.

SCORPIO RAT
Scorpio Rats are the strong, emotional types. Few would suspect quite sensitive these Rats are. They have an intense aura that allows them to channel their energies.

GEMINI RAT
Gemini Rats are blessed with the gift of the conversation. They are articulate and keen. Easily bored, Gemini Rats thrive on variety, and are happiest with their hands in many things. They do tend to take a long time to make decisions and once they so, to change their minds a few times.

SAGITTARIAN RAT
Sagittarian Rats sail through life and couple wisdom with perceptive. They can spot an opportunity a mile away, and are quick to act on it. Generally, these Rats are lucky but they have itchy feet.

CANCERIAN RAT
Cancerian Rats like to be individuals and to stand out. Material things are important to them, but what they value their family more than anything else.

CAPRICORN RAT
Industrial and tenacious, Capricorn Rats are profoundly enterprising and make substantial progress in their occupations. These people expect their dedication to be rewarded. They may not be that sentimental, but they are loyal and honest.

LEONINE RAT
The Leonine Rat is a mystical personality, dynamic and responsive. In addition to enthusiasm, high ethical standards and wise decision-making guarantee this Rat will be successful.

AQUARIAN RAT
A bit unorthodox, these Rats are impulsive and outgoing. They are community-minded and more selfless than other Rats. Aquarian Rats are determined to work hard in order to better mankind.

VIRGO RAT
With gifts for research and experimentation and an eye for detail, these Rats have the capability to make small assessments. The hard-working Virgo Rat will find fulfillment in any job where intense investigation is necessary. There is something naive about them that attracts quieter, frailer people as their partners.

PISCEAN RAT
This Rat is delicate and incisive, and does well as a consultant or a counselor. Piscean Rats are creative, but tend to lack the confidence necessary and thus feel a need to be part of a team.

* text from : http://www.usbridalguide.com/special/chinesehoroscopes/Rat.htm
* rat picture fro : google...

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See who my enemy is?...

gues..

no really just gues...

wrong!!!

its my ex.. duh..

In the horoscoop im not supose te be with him at all.. I must avoid him in all way's
Yes.. he is a Hores

Mortal Enemy: Horses

Like... I dit not see this comming.. really.. and he is my first love..
at first I dint know this so it dint mathers.. but now.. I know why it dint work out.. not becouse it written in the univers.. but becouse he is who he is. and I can never change him.

I learned my lessons..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\

Realy I should not talk about him.

Because!!! I found a partner!!!

My life as a single is nou officialy over..

and in my next post Ill shall tell you all about my single life.

Love you!

Feeling sick and lonely

2007-10-21T21:18:00.000+02:00

Damn I have to admid..

I am lonely.. need a partner to stay with me and hold my hands when I get scared. Something like that plaese!!

why cant I order a guy by post order or someting like that?

It is posible...... But ill pass and do it the old fashion way.. old fashion I mean is ... clubbing , internet , friends dating .. somthing like that.

OOWWW come on.. who am I kidding??

myself I hope..

No really.. what is going on with me.. everything is so fuck- up..
can't I really get a boyfriend?

I am over my last one.. Im positive For sure!!!

Maybe im just not pretty enough.....

my personality is fine.. I dont bite.. often..

this is just the down side of my life.......

again..

Im sorry I just can't deal with everything..

This is all for now...

Feeling lonely.....

OOps I did it again..

2007-09-28T22:39:00.000+02:00

yes.. and im soo sorry.

shall I make this a monthy edition? lol..

no i think I cant do this.. because im so buzzy..

Many many girls have there own wedding plans made up in there minds when they were little.
I was wondering what was on my mind at that stage?..

I dont think I ever made up my wedding plans..

This all pops up in my mind like candy bars fall down from heaven,...

But really.. do you have a perfect wedding?

If I dig hard in my brains I still dont find any wedding plans.. well....
no..

What did I do when I was a little kid.........

makes me wonder.. did I have a great childhood?

I know I play a lot.. I mean duh.. what kind of child dint play...

but

was that all?

when little girls and boys walk with there mommy I see them with dolls and stuff.
talk to themself an play.
I could not see that I did that when i was a child..

isnt that weird in a kind of way?

lets talk about something els...

ow yeah.. Its almost my birthday..

im older..

Im almost 23!

october the 1st

mannnnnnnnn Im old like uhm.. 23..

If I live my life like in my head.. I think ill alreaddy have my second child.
my first will me when I was turning 21..

yeah I have my life in my head.. but not a wedding is popping then..

But the true is always harder then the ground.. thats how we say it in dutch..

living a lie...

im not even an succes buisness women..
im so lame..

see ya later in my lame life

X-X-X

WooHoo

2007-08-28T23:48:00.000+02:00

You would think that I learn from my mistakes..

no, no,no,no..
not me

Again hellow..

Its have been a whille!!

well this is what I have been doing..

Yes I have taken pictures with Teddy..
are you jealous?

I think u are!! u silly reading my blog peeps..

Somtimes Im just getting sow borred .. sow I take pictures..
with who ever comes on my path..

It might be you next time.. you never know when I may shock you..

- ok story time-

Its like, that one day I went to the zoo with my nephew..
And we saw some animals..

there were like flamingo´s and little pinguins and uhm like.. a bird..wich I dont know the name of.. something with ...Cock.... yes.. a peacock..
and lots of fun..

My nephew showed me where the animals were.. couse.. he is my guide.. sweet ha?

and he looks sow happy to show me the animals..

= pictures =

................................................................................

OOOOOOOOOhhh somthings I just have to tell..

I... yes me..
Went surfing!!!

kawabanga dude..

yeah.. and it was soo cool and soo hard to stand up..

I did my best ofcours

It was a " babes on wave" day..

we got goody bags... that was kinda cool

we did some joga.... aaaaahhhh..
made some neckles thingy and some keychange thingy.
then.. we surf..

we I ment me and my best friend..

yes I had a blast!
Im not going to tell u how many times I fel down from my board..

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

and then today.. I took some pictures of me again..

here are some new pictures of me.. yeah .. im looking older.. nevermind..

= pictures =

and then tere was some..
more pictures..

Bye bye.. see ya later...
another time...

Yes.. I will post some more..

2007-04-26T23:40:00.000+02:00

Ok, it has been a few.. month that i have been posting??. right?..

Im so sorry!!

Im buzzy with doing nothing again.. boohoo.. please forgive meeee...........
But.. did u missed me?

I know u did..

Ok..
almost dun one of my to do list.. that is..
- get over my ex..

remember that?
Im about over 79% ... stil some % left.. darnit.

Ofcourse have I been an party animal..
Been there.. dune that.. .. but not all the way tho.. * Im not that kind of girl u bastart*

- spends a lot of money for clothing and silly stuff and.. more silly stuff.. and.. strings.. lingery and.. yeah ..

OWWWWWWW news flas.. !!!!!!!!!!

Im going to the Justin Timberlake concert in * looks in tikets.. yeah I have it..* 16-06-07!!!!!!!
yeah.. now Im cool.

ow yeah..

Did u know.. Im adicted to .........* drummmmmmes please..*.. chocolate?.. :|
yeah .. just some more info about me..
Ok its late and I have to work.. * gggaawwww again..*

bye bye.. and see ya soon..

Hugs and kisses.. * shops at Poehs.. *

-Edit-

Justin Timberlake

Photo...

Dang, Im back...

2007-02-21T19:47:00.000+01:00

Are you ready for some action?

lol.. where do I get that crap..

Anyway, this is how i have been.

I would love to tell you all about how i made myself to the rich and famous.. but.. no.. im still looking for a job and.. really like to hang around my old job.. that is the job that im having now..

Working in a supermarket isn't everything.. wel not for me.. maybe some people love that.. ahum..

Ok.. lets start..

This is the first blog im posting this year.. Januari went fast .. but Februari is also flying by..

bleeeegh..

Im still looking for a job.... im still lazy as hell.. and.. im still single...

I want to move out... but I cant becouse im stuck here in this crap hole of grazy family

I still havent got my drivers licence,.... working on that one..

you know what, lets make a "to do list" or some thing like that.. but more complecated.

The list....of the year 2007

- I want to have my drivers licence
- I want to go on a holiday
- I want to get a new job
- I want to have a new look ( maybe 2 ore 3 time a year )
- I want to get over my ex ( work in progress )
- I want to get out of this house
- I want to have a happy life
- I want to be very happy
- I want money ( its harder to get it if you really want it then you dont want it but you have it... you know..? )
- I want to change my name into Lady Isabel ( something like that..)
- I want to have an relationschip...
- I want a good life
- I dont want to be alone....

- I gues I want more then I could ever handle this year...

This is really hard .. to get what i want..
I mean how hard is it to get what u want? its hard isn't ?

I just want to be happy again.. I dont want to be alone no more..

much love and I will be posting more this year.

~Last chirstmas~

2006-12-17T23:44:00.000+01:00

Its almost christmas and i love christmas.. when i wast alone..

but the time will change.. always is a problem for me but ok..

I have been having fun.. been going out and stuff..

lets see if i remember those day's

last weekend i went to the... dun dun dun..
KAREOKE bar....

yeah it was so mucht fun. maybe next year again
I went there with my best friend Maira. and some few other friends..

we were singen two songs..

the calling : where ever you will go..
Britney Spears: from the bottum of my broken heart

and guess what? i was singing the loutiest.. hhehe .
i cant help it.. its just the songs that made me that way hehe

uhm.. then we went to
the sugar factory,, that a club in Amsterdam.

It was a house party.. all those weird ppl.. but i had so mucht fun..

uhm.. and yeah almost christmas.. and im al alone..

I dont think i can handle it.. i must go out.. somehow..

You know.. al those things im seeing is.. me going somewhere els.. i want to have my vacation .. see other things.. but.. why am i not there?>

I have dreams that were very crazy.. i want to go back in my dreams and just to be ther and understand more of me.. i really dont know who i am.. i want to figure it out.. getting in my mind and just see what i am..

thats it for now..

see you next time.. dont be a stranger!

"its been a while"

2006-11-27T15:08:00.000+01:00

sow......

yeah its been a while. i have been feeling stronger since my last post.. i really do.
sow what have i been up to?

well for start.. i have been searching of a new job. i have one and its seems very great..
next week im going to do a "one day, try out" hehhe .. it like i work ther on day and they look if im the right person to hire or not.. i hope i am. then i will be getting a whole lot of money in my pocket hehe ..

uhm.. yeah like i said.. ive' been stronger.. like the song from britney spears.
i been out on party's and dinners..

i have been taking new pictures and changes my hair in to the original collor.. black...
ive been to a photoshoot. ( free) and it was fun.. i really had fun.. but i dont look like me.. i was fat!! maybe thats a sign to go to a fitness or something like that..... who knows..

well thats its for now.. i have been updating so. uhm yeah ..

see you next time.. post a comment if you like.. thats why its here for.

kisses.

I just dont know

2006-10-17T23:54:00.000+02:00

What am im doing wrong?
Am I really this bad?
I just dont know how?

this is just very bad..

I give clues, I give a letter, I give a message... what, why?

Im just so despretly in love with you! why can you accept the fackt that Im the one that loves you?
I just dont understand why you are holding back.

I dont want to spent a nother life time searching for love. Because I know.. i have found love.. and that is you.

Im still waiting for your awnser... is it stay or go? yes or no? love me or hate me?

I dont understand.. I dont know.. I really dont know.. Im sad.. sad because im not with you..

You are my love.

alone

2006-10-07T00:47:00.000+02:00

EMPTY HOME

its midnight and the house is empty.. except for me and some cats..

The thing is.. when im alone.. the time to kill is thinking.. watching tv has no use.. it just dont work like that anymore.
When i was little.. i still am.. but when i wah at an young age the tv was the best thing that ever happend to me!..... but time by time.. the tv will be a history... why? well...
we have a "computer.." yeah.. and on that "computer"... we have internet..
well.. tv have no use to kill time anymore..

ok , i was talking about killing time..

today i have the whole house for my own.. at night.. i hat to work so the middays was nothing for me.. hehhe

when im home.. i usely get on the internet.. but since my pc cauth a virus.. i freacked!! its like my whole secret thingies on my pc went in danger!.. it was.. really.. my pc is my baby..
i talk to her.. dont tell me you dont talk to your pc.. * im not crazy! *

but now.. she is fine.. she is resting from the illness.. but ok..
i really should be sleeping but i cant. because i have thought in my head.. and i really cant stop them.. they keep on comming. and you know who im talking about..

i have been talking to his sister a lot.. and that ok with me.. i dont want to talk to him.. bcouse then i would cry and why cant i have contackt with his sister??? it doesnt have to change for us..
we talk about how we are and what has been happening and how love is..
everytime... i get so confussed.. by my own words.. "I miss him"
but thats crazy! i must have been over him like a long time a go.. but i still have the same feeling like we use to be but then with a big hole between us..

nothing special is happening.. my house is quied.. but my room is musical! heh i turn up the volume heheh .. that how i spend my alone night in my house hehehehe ,,

wish he could come and have sex with me.. booty call?

naaahh..

see you!

I miss him

2006-09-21T23:05:00.000+02:00

I miss him
I miss him
I miss him

oh god.. why do I miss him so much?

ok lets get this straight.. its over.. and come on.. get over it! theres more fish in th sea .. ppl says ..

but there is only one fish for me.. if you can say men are fish heheh

I love him
I love him
I love him

does god hates me?

xxx

I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!

2006-09-14T00:24:00.000+02:00

i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SO FUKING HATE YOU!!

What did I ever say to you so you dint want to go out and party with me when i was with you??? what the hell are you saying about "im to old to go out and i dont want to becouse its boring"!!!
Like what the hell......

What the hell did you wanted when im with you?? Do I pass only for the good sex? Or do im embaresing you in front of your friends?

Like what the hell???

You know what!! Fuck you!!
Im not the one thats wrong, what you told me was totaly stupid..

Now I see you with other ppl going out and WHAT?? was I not good enought to go out with?

WELL you suck and now its my turn to be what I do best!!
Im gonna shake my booty and have fun..

You lie to me! and thats what I hate about you!

Go along.. go out ! but if you see me looking good and shaking my booty!

You are gone my friend!

Im so fucking hate you for the lies!

LAZY week

2006-09-08T01:27:00.000+02:00

OK

Maybe im just thinking it all wrong.. becous I alreaddy knew that man are domb.
Here is an qoute for you, : You can not teach a man anything, you can only help him discover it in himself! - remember tis one- it is totaly true!

My life for this week.. ahum.. here it go's

this week i started of with.. taking driving lessons. yeah . on monday
wel.. then .. I cant remember what els i did.. must be very boring...

the next day I was planing to go to the pool with my nephew.. i was babysitting.. my mom went to Thailand, my bro and his girl were bringing her to the airport.
annyway.. i was sitting with my nephew in the back of the car, my friend was driving and then the swicht of the car went kadoes so we went home with the long face.. to bad..

the day after that,
I was... uhm.. ( what did i do?).. I cant remember.. well i know i was up untill 5 am.. i was watching movie..

today..
i was baking cake!!
the end..

Annyway about that man are domb and stuff... totaly true!
they do not admit it but its just is..

well.. suprice!!
he klickt on my msn... he was talking to me.. on msn.. like how long ago was his last contackt?

he have his own website about him and taking pictures..
he saw me with a lot of pics he liked ( i was taking them on my own) .. he ask me to give him some pics.. and i ask why? he said.. i wanna look at then ones in a while..
dont think im weird but.. is he thinking what i think he does with my pics?
gosh i hope not.. or do i??
he broke up with me and still wants my pics.. isnt that weird? in my eyes its just like.. well i know him.. but still
annyhow, he love my pics so he can watch them...

I dont blame him for looking.. i just blame him for letting something good go..

xxxx

Why am im so.. ggrrrr?

2006-08-31T23:16:00.000+02:00

Ok its been a wille..
how come? - my pc went kadoush.. that means.. broke..
and now.. im soo have missed the writing and the stopid spelling of mine..

what have i done in the past days?
I was having a blast!! yeah .. my ex said he wants me back.. and so we did.. and i love him and he loves me.. and now i have to wake up.. cause that darn thing will never happen.. i think..

well.. one day i coulnd sleep.. what happends when your not sleeping.. I will tell you what will happen..
You will be thinking of some one youl love.. and then you will cry.. just like me.. or not..
well.. yeah .. my tears came and i just coulnd help it..
I was thinking of the good day's and the really good day's, and then.. the day's that I helped him, and the day that we were very close.. and then the day that i made him laught..

and then the drame came even more.. the day i said.. what do you think about our lovelife?... * big,, huge.. mistake*

so.. yeah .. and his b-day came closer.. thinking more of him.. and then .. it happends.. my alarm went off and it say's.."bla's b-day" my eye went open.. i saw the chance to wish him a good day.. so i had sended him a message..
waiting.. and waiting for him to send me something back. and then.. yes.. he did.. he wrote "I knew youll be the first that will wish me a happy b-day.. thanks sweetie X " now my eyes glances..

the next day
i saw something stupid on the net .. about him taking pics of girls ( his hobby).. on his site.. so i sended a big mistake message.. and then regrets it and sent him a sorry message..

at night his mom called me.. she never called me.. i was .. i am still supriced. she was asking me how iwas doing and she missed me and wants me to visite her more.. and that her son made a huge mistake that he was letting me go and that i dont have to cry for him no more.. i deserved more.. that was sweet of her.. being on my side and stuff.. i missed her to..

next day
yeah .. he sended a nice message back.. with "doesnt matters".. bla bla bla.. how are you bla blab la

but i think he dint know about that phonecall from his mom..

annyway's.. im still waiting from my new job at mexx.. and thats how my life was ..
i was happy to have my pc back if you know what i mean..

xxx poehtje

yes, im a buzzy bee

2006-08-15T00:04:00.000+02:00

Again update a blog.

not that i want to complain. hehhe well i do..

well what have i dun for the last few day's?

Yes i was working.. ppff what i dint do is thinking about him hahah .. ok now i did that gain.. must stop this feelings!! haha

working all days, and babysitting on my nephew.. yea im a good aunt!
last monday i was in the city with my nephew. me and him.. he is 1 year old.. and so cute.. heh
we had some great fun and we eat at Mac, i bough him some shoes.. heh yeah ..
wemdsday i was in Amsterdam with mu friends shopping and clubbing. ahahh was fun .. clubbing in mid weeks.. never done that before!

and then woke up the next day.. hahah work again!! damn.. but i had fun!

friday i had a job interview at mexx, they were very exciting with me and i hope ill hear from them soon.. they said they mail me nex weekend to say if im in or not.. ooooh so glad that i was there..

weekends.. nothing special.. missed my friends.

made some new headshots

xxx

been so long

2006-08-09T21:14:00.000+02:00

I havent been here a wille

i worked and worked and dint come online.
i wanted to but then my heart went to stone.

what did i do in the past days?

well i worked a lot, and i dint have any rest in my mind.

its like.. when im alone my mind go's on thinking about him, and i dont know if thats a good thing or bad, i even cald my little nephew his name.. that just what i dint and i dint even think about him.. im just .. crazy in my mind. Thinking about him, he doesnt even thinks about me.. i just dont want to move on and still thinking about him.. im afraid again.. dont know what to do..

i worked a lot and dint mind on other things.. just him.. maybe this is a sign to move on or a sign he wants me.. but thats crazy.. to think like that.

i have to think about my future thats who i am.. but when im not sure how and what ,... my future wont lest....

my mind on me.. for now on.. i hope

Karma?

2006-07-26T21:07:00.000+02:00

Everytime I tell something about somebody, my feelings or someboddy's feelings are going to be bad.. does Karma had something to do about this?

or is it just me?

When im happy I want to tell the World everything why im happy. but for soem reason i cant tell the world. then im unhappy again.. is this karma?

something good- something bad
happy-unhappy

wierd..

maybe its just me..

You know.

2006-07-26T00:25:00.000+02:00

Well, have you ever had that kind of thing that, when your thinking about that person you never hear anything from them .. ever..
and when you dont think of them... the suddenly apear in your life!
Its like.. when you walked away from something, well not walking away but you know, leaving things behind and never have to look back again thing.. they always come after you no mater what.

I was just doing my things on the internet.. and suddenly.. my "bla"apeard on msn..
That was onusual, why?.. well sins we broke up he never came on msn.. ever.. again..
but that day was just weird.

I was starting to like somebody, yeah .. never though i could be like that again.
and was smsing and calling the usual stuff.
its a new start for me, a new begining.
I was not even thinking about him.. really.. i dint!!

And then he talked to me, like we were friends again.. out of nowhere.
he dint call me, or wrote to me and i dint think about him..

My first reaction was happy.
my secont reaction was like "huh"
my 3rd reaction was like, ok.. what the hell.. first this and now that!

I just dint know what i shoud think of it. I know.. its not really i consurn any more but..
Do I still have feelings for him?

I just dont know.....
You know?
Im so cunfused and I think I dont know what to do..

We spoke and he shared some things to me. I missed that.
I just dont know what im feeling right now.
that other person is also very great.
Im letting go.. arent I?

You know, Its that thing.. right now...
You know.?

My new look

2006-07-24T15:15:00.000+02:00

My new look how do you like it?

If something happends to me emotional or just becouse..
I always changes my hair, next time my boobs? hehehe
With this I express myself to the word outside, most people talk about it but I love it to do it like this.
Not much have changes my feelings for him but well.
Im kinda move on. yeah finaly you would think. But it takes time, evering takes time now what I have left is memories and deep , deep down inside also a lill feelings.
I really dont know how he is doing, after the last time I called him I just dont want to bother him anymore. maybe he is busy .. and im kinda afraid he would not like me anymore.. strange ha? yeah thats me. I wish I could call him, and just ask him how he is doing and how life go's.
But im scared like a chicken. How those things have change, its weird though. I thought we would just be frined and dont have to be afraid of whats comming, but I am. I just cant get out of it. I dont even know if he has a new GF or just being alone. Its weird but if he has a new GF I would understand him and just let it be.
Our relation was very good and I was happy. Thats enought right?

I just hope he is alright.
* me again care about others and not me*

xxx

Songs

2006-07-21T17:27:00.000+02:00

Lyrics can be very emotional for me.
this one makes me think again.. the last time I cald him..

he makes my heart hurt and crushed again.
And its just the way he talked to me, the words makes me feel the pain..

Maria mena: sorry

Vauge sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn

I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorryI'm sorry
so sorry

He grabs my wristas
my fingers turn into angry fists
and I wisper why can't you love me,
I'll change for you
I'll play the part

And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry
x2

Simple life

2006-07-20T23:03:00.000+02:00

I really want to take my life as simple as it can get.
But unforunaly it doesn't works that way.
Never knew what lies on frond of me.
In my mind I have a lot of questions, questions I know the awnser to, questions I dont want the awnser off.
Why does my life make up some thing what im not it?
Outside you know me as a warm, loving , happy, caring, funny, Napoe. But in the inside im pissed off , of a lot of things, and im in pain.
It makes no sense.. I know.. But thats how I feel and thats who I am. I want to forget the bad things in my life and remember the good. But I only remember the pain that lies inside of me. Screaming to come out, some day soon I wont recognize myself anymore. I will be a differend person. And that wil change a lot with people around me.
Don't hate me, But this changes will start soon.. Ill take more chances and live bij the day. not by the life or future.

ill still be kind and sweet and stuff , but I have to controll my needs and myself.
Ill take chances.

MEANING OF LOVE

2006-07-18T23:59:00.000+02:00

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LOVE?

That is my question.
Is love

- making you very happy
- making you feel like you r in heaven?
- making you feel like your everything in the world
- making you care
- making you hate
- making you love
- making you pain
- making you happy
- making you angry
- making you hurt
- making you emotional

Or what ever love is.. its pain for me right now
I hate it. and I love it to.
whats the point of being in love and then getting hurt?

I think most people just dont want to face it. I could happen to me again.. why take the risk..
Thats why im not falling in love, I dont want to get hurt annymore. like the most people it will happen again.
We can always be together but we are not..
really, whats the point of being in love?

Though, I love the feeling of it. but cant face it right now. to painfull.

I know I will find love, then It will be all over again.

being happy and then pain at the end..

What is the point of me being here?

2006-07-17T23:56:00.000+02:00

This is my English version of my blog. I have one.. in Dutch but nobody of my Friends can read them.. cuzz they dont speack Dutch,.. to bad though.. cuzz now I got to make a whole new one.. and tell the same story again..
But I wont tell it.. When im writing a new post then im explaning thing to ya so I dont need to rewrite the whole thing again.

This is my first so let me tell you something about me.
My name is Poehtje and im 21 years old.
I live in The Netherlands.
Last year I found my perfect partner.
( most of my blog items is about him i guess)
In my Dutch blog I called him "Bla" so thats what his name is here to.
He was my first love and well.. my first everything. He introduse me to the world you might say..
Our first date was so beautiful, like some clip of a movie.
we went to the beach, we had dinner at an pancake rest, we walked on the beach, we sat down on a wreck schip and late at night we watch the stars and talk about the things we were talking about.. mjea I dont remember the things we talked about, I just remember the things we did.
He brought me home and then suprise he gave me a pink rose..
Our 2nd date was also very romantic. We were havind dinner at an rest I donk know off and then at the and of the dinner we went to an haven where we just sat down and talked about us and things. That when he ask me to be his GF.
I was then the most lucky girl ever te have him in my life!

But then after a year he broke up with me.
Sad and hurt. My heart never feld like this before. It was crashed and it could never be an beautiful heart again.

this is how my blog started.. and this is why im here, to tell you about me.